i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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