Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
