So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Randomize
