She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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