p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize