U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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