it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize