If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
