rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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