She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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