Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
