How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
