so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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