So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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