How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
