Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
