you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
