grandma shit on top of the toilet
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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