How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
