then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How does one acquire holy water?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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