Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
