sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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