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I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All the doctor said was why
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
