And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
