soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
