I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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