we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
