I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize