Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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