Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize