omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
