I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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