rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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