lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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