It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My butt remains clenched, sir.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
