I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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