I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
