No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
