does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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