I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
