Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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