been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
