Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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