She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
