he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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