Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You made out with two different species that night
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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