that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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