Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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