Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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