I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
