I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
