I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
They took my balls.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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