you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize