wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
