Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
