remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
