I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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