it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize