I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
