Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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