is your mom at the bar?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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