You're my little dorito
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
