You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
