my mouth tastes like poor choices
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
