Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
