If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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