Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
