he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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