Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
