I am puke
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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