dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There's a naked man in my car right now.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
