guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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