It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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