Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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