I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
