Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
