I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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