The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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