what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
